Happy Jesus Zombie Day!

Well, I’m aware I’m a bit late on the Happy Easter thing. But I’ve been moving back to my university house and doing coursework (4am, drunk in the library) so I can be let off!

So over the Easter holidays, I’ve been back staying with my parents. I have little brothers and as everyone knows, kids come out with some of the best lines. A couple of days ago I got:

You’re very heavy aren’t you? Even Spiderman can’t lift you!

Well thank you, I’m aware I’ve gained a little chocolate weight -_-

Over Easter, I also received my souvenir photo from Miranda Hart! Still cannot believe I ended up on stage with her! Massive love ❤

I LOVE HER.

I LOVE HER.

I want her to be my BFF.

That boy in the picture with me who was my “date.” That is not wine in his wine glass. No sir, it is coke. Poor guy was only 16 aha. We had a list of questions about our most embarrassing moments. His was, “I got drunk and woke up in a bath. But please don’t say that on stage, my mum will kill me!” Bless.

I’m sure everyone’s also seen about Britain’s youngest parents! 12 years old!!! Can’t even be called a teenage mum! Children having children. How weird. I was thinking about this on one of my very boring shifts at work. When I was 12 the only thing I was looking after was sea monkeys. And I purposefully stopped feeding them because they got boring and just wouldn’t die.

And now I’m back at uni. Exams start next week, but I have managed to get me a job behind the bar and brought myself a celebratory hammock. Hurrah!

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Spider-Maaaan Party!

So I did a “cute” thing. Feel free to cry, uncontrollably shriek, “naaaaaaaawwwwww” and ask Santa to have me as your very own big sister. The other weekend was my lickle brothers fourth birthday and I thought I would surprise him on his birthday as I hadn’t seen him in over a two months. Unfortunately, the weekend I went home was also the weekend of the floods and so the train tracks were down. Bloody English weather. But, me being the best big sister ever, took the alternative route home, braved the replacement coaches, spent many hours waiting at unknown stations, all on my lonesome in the icy cold, nearly freezing to death, carrying my heavy load with a broken toe (unfortunate kickboxing injury involving a violent game of bulldog, a mat and a snapped pinky toe.. sad times, but that’s another story), no food, practically dead from starvation…

Ok, so I may have exaggerated a little, but what is normally a three hour journey home, did still take me seven hours instead. Big sister points right there!

Anyway, so I finally made it home at about eleven o’clock the night before his birthday. The next morning, at about half past 6(!) I heard a very excited Samuel coming down the stairs, shouting that it was his birthday and going into the living room to open his presents. My present was the first- a Spider-man costume! I could hear screams of excitement and cries of, “SPIDER-MAN!!!!!” when my mum asked him to go and let the cat out of my room. Not knowing I was in there, he opened the door and came in.

“Happy birthday, Samuel!”

***Generic happy squeals of “CHANG-UT” (he still has difficulty saying my name) and “BEST FRIEND” accompanied with lots of jumping up and down, on the bed and on me and our ‘best friend handshake’.***

samuel111

It was pretty expensive (and I’m a poor, poor student 😦 ), but definitely worth it. Plus, I got to eat loads of cake and rubbish at his Spider-man themed party 😛

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New Years Resolutions… Hmm…

Right, my New Years Resolution is to get fit and healthy (I’ve been watching too much Olympics- I want one of them medals). Okay, it’s a little lot past New Year but you know what they say… better late than never!

So, here are my aims for the rest of the year:

1) Drive more. I know people always go on about how good walking is for you, but people forget about how good driving is for you too! Not only do you get everywhere quicker but you also have to use your feet a lot. That means you will have really strong feet, which is always great and incredibly useful.

2) Have a baby. Well, I don’t want one. I have a little brother, so I’ll just use him instead. But for everyone else without a little sibling or a child ready to hand, go have a kid, guaranteed weight loss or your money back. Especially if you feed them a lot and make ’em chubs. Swear down picking my little brother up is better than weight lifting.

3) Go out partying more. Not only are you dancing- very, very good exercise, especially if you move your whole body (which I do, despite the funny looks)- but, if you walk home, you also walk twice the distance because you walk diagonally and end up criss-crossing across the street. Isn’t alcohol great!? (let’s just conveniently forget about the whole liver damage fairytale)

4) Be hungover more. You’ll feel too sick to eat so you’ll lose weight. And hopefully have had a really good night out before. Win win!

5) Go shopping more. Who needs to spend money going to the gym when you can spend it going on a shopping trip and get just as fit with the added bonus of a new wardrobe? Make sure you buy loads though, because carrying all those bags around is excellent for those arms. And walking from shop to shop will also increase that stamina- after a few shopping trips, you’ll definitely find it gets easier! And if you don’t have the money to go shopping, that’s fine. I’m not saying steal money from your parents but… steal money from your parents. I’m sure they’d rather you spend their money than get so fat you can’t leave your bed and die. That’s what you should say if you get caught.

Might quit uni and become a personal trainer.

And let the games begin!

I’m not particularly patriotic but what with the Diamond Jubilee and the Olympic’s coming to London, it’s been a pretty good year for Britain.

I went to see the Olympic torch twice- once in my hometown and once in the City I go to University in. It’s a once in a lifetime (or in my case, twice in a lifetime) opportunity so I thought, why the Hell not? I doubt London will ever host the Olympics again in my lifetime. Whilst it did get a little tedious waiting aaaages for the Torch to arrive, the atmosphere was incredible. Whole towns and cities turning up to witness the event- local heroes being given the chance to do something so monumental in the games, with thousands of people watching. The old and the young, coming together to watch the Torch as it travelled across the country. Schools letting kids go off to see it, or stopping lessons so they can watch it on the TV; who would have thought a flame could have such an impact on people?

My little brother made his own Olympic Torch 🙂

And now the relay has come to an end and the Games have begun, starting off with the stunning opening ceremony. I wasn’t expecting much to be honest. I was thinking, and a lot of people I know also, that the ceremony would be more like The Royal Variety Show- boring and overrated. But wow, was I proven wrong. With Danny Boyle directing the Opening Ceremony, it was brilliantly done in a truly British style. An actual interesting history lesson, the Industrial Revolution and the World Wars being stunningly and sensitively depicted through acting, dance and music. There was an amazing scene about Great Ormond Street Hospital and the NHS mixed in with children’s literature- something Britain can be incredibly proud of. The best part was that it wasn’t just professional dancers involved, real doctors and nurses also got to take part. Children’s storybook characters came alive, with the legendary JK Rowling reading in the background as Mary Poppins defeated Lord Voldemort, the Child Catcher, Cruella De Vil and Captain Hook.

There was also the typical British humour, with the Queen making her first acting appearance as she parachuted *ahem, her stuntdouble don’t be silly* with James Bond into the Olympic Stadium. And the amazing Rowan Atkinson ❤ as Mr Bean, playing Chariots of Fire! And then there was the music, British superstars like The Beatles, Arctic Monkeys, Emile Sande, Dizzee Rascal (although where was Take That?!?!?!?! 😥 </3 ).

From sporting legend Muhammad Ali to the fact that every country involved in the Olympics, for the first time ever, has female athletes on their team, it was a truly inspirational event. My favourite part being the symbolic act of sporting greats like Dame Kelly Holmes and Sir Steve Redgrave passing the torch from one generation to the next and allowing the seven nominated young athletes to light the flame of unity.

I’m actually feeling pretty proud to be British.

Kids say the funniest things

Don’t kids say the best things sometimes? Being kids, they get away with saying things adults can’t; they say things without thinking about how they can come across. Sometimes they can be evil. I feel bad now, thinking about the times when I was a shitty little kid and I would shout “I hate you” when I didn’t get my own way. Sometimes they can be sweet. Like my little brother who is always telling me that I’m his best friend (we even have a best friend handshake. And what?) or when I come home after work or from being out with my friends and he says that he really missed me. He can make me feel really guilty though. When I told him I was going back to my other house (uni) he went dead silent and wouldn’t speak to me for about five minutes. Until he piped up with, “I’ll really miss you.” D: Whyyyy?

Other times, they can be downright hilarious. Like me. I was a hilarious and modest child. I remember when I was younger and me and my family were driving behind this really, really slow old woman. In my naive way I shouted, “Oooh she’s such a kerb crawler!” Just, you know, innocently thinking that meant she was a really slow driver and was, well, practically crawling along the kerb. It was actually only in the last few years that I finally understood why my parents laughed at my joke so much. And why they told all their friends. I had, inadvertently, suggested that the poor, frail, old lady was trying to pick up a prostitute.

My little brother very recently said something very funny as well. My other brother, Ryan, the oldest of the three, is sixteen and, as most boys of that age, not very blessed in the acne department. Both my youngest brothers also have chickenpox. So Samuel, being three years old and bloody hilarious said to him,

“Ryan, do you have chickenpox?”

“Urgh? (It’s the generic grunt that teenage boys put before every sentence- or use instead of) No, I don’t.”

“What are all them spots on your face then?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think I nearly died. And so did my mum. Ryan didn’t find it quite as funny, he slammed up to his room in a sulk with another grunt and a “shut up.”

Another kid today at work amused me. She had to be about seven years old and her mum was buying “5o Shades of Grey.”

“Can I read it?”

“Erm, no darling, it’s a grown up’s book”

“Is it that book they were talking about on the radio?”

“Yes.”

“Dirty mummy! You dirty woman!”

50 shades of grey? Doesn’t turn me on :S

Today, I can’t be bothered to write much.

I don’t really have much to blog about today so instead, I thought I’d upload some photo’s 🙂

If you’ve been following my blog, you’d know that I have a dog. A very stupid, but very sweet Golden Retriever called Harry. And I sometimes like to wrap him up in a duvet. Just, you know, for the jokes.

But doing things like this makes him go a little weird. Actually, he just does this anyway…

It’s so irritating when he decides to roll around like this when you take him out on the lead -_-

I’ve also got four cats, one of which is still a kitten really, who has currently been banished to my room for being annoying. She keeps doing this…

Poor kid’s just trying to sleep!

So now I have her yowling at me as I type :/

And I also have three younger brothers (kill me now). Sometimes they can be sweet…

CUDDLES!!!

Samuel is the one on the left, he’s three years old and William is the one on the right, aged one.

A lot of the time messy…

Don’t ever feed kids chocolate cake…

We play in the park…

William playing on the swings 🙂

Samuel pulling off the pink 😛

And pose for pictures 😛

Sometimes regularly they get grumpy…

Attitude problem already!

We read stories…

Avid reading… not at all posing 😉

But, the best time of the day is BEDTIME!

Urm… cute?

Imagination.

I step deeper into the jungle, my feet crunching on the dead leaves, as a giant, hairy, deadly tarantula scuttles towards me. I kick it away before it can sink its fangs into my leg and infect me with its poison. I creep forwards further, it’s getting darker now, the trees closer together, the brambles thicker. I pick some berries and greedily shove them into my mouth. Without sustenance I won’t be able to go on much further. Now I need water, I must quench my thirst before I get too weak. I listen carefully and can just about hear the roar of running water… there must be a river around here somewhere. I move towards the sound when suddenly, I make out another noise. The noise of branches shaking, leaves rustling and the deep rumble of a growl. Tiger. I catch a quick glimpse of the creature through the trees as it stalks towards me. A majestic animal, walking towards me with a grace and power and quietness I would never have dreamed possible. I slowly pull out my bow and nock my last arrow. I must be brave, I only have one shot. Sweating, I close one eye and let go of the string, launching the arrow towards the tiger where it buries itself in its leg. I don’t want to kill the animal, merely wound it and distract it long enough for escape. The beast lets out a ferocious roar and I turn around and run, run as fast as I can, jumping over fallen trunks and swinging myself from vines. I’ve somehow made it to the river! The water is very fast flowing and full of dangerous piranhas. I can see that further downstream it turns into a massive waterfall that would surely kill me if I fell down it. I glance behind me. The tiger is over its shock and is closing in on me! If I could just make it over the rapids then I could escape! I take a leap of faith and manage to grab hold of an overhanging branch. I cling onto its slippery surface for dear life, the piranhas jumping up at me, trying to tear my flesh off with their sharp teeth. I try to swing my legs up, I can feel my fingers slowly slipping! Sudden-

“COME ON, IT’S TIME TO GO HOME NOW, YOU’RE FILTHY AND NEED A BATH BEFORE BED!”

“Coming mum…”

Imagination. I want to be a kid again.

“Children see magic because they look for it”

– Christopher Moore