Inflatable Cats, Sunstroke and Weird Drunken Web Searches

So I’ve not blogged for a bit, been busy enjoying my freedom! AKA watching back to back episodes of Game of Thrones only to emerge, blinking into the light, when I’ve run out of ice-cream. I wish I were kidding. But Ben & Jerry’s has been half price.

So exams are over for another year (hopefully)! And for the first time in three years I finished before my birthday. I am now 21! Scary Mary. And to celebrate my entrance into true adulthood, I spent the day, sitting in the scorching sun, drinking from 11am, eating pizza and ending the night skinny dipping in the sea. As fun as this may sound, it turned out to be quite a stupid, and dangerous idea. I burnt like a lobster over the day. No one quite believes how excessively I burn, until they see if with their own eyes. Two hours in the sun before I could grab sun cream, and a week and a half later my shoulder (just one, goddamnit) is still red. I blame my dad. I may not be fully ginger, but he was and I have inherited his pasty, freckly skin. Anyway, a mixture of day drinking and sun led to a very dehydrated birthday girl wearing party pants and a massive badge. Then jumping into very cold water with such an overheated body was not a good plan. I ended up with sunstroke. Now, if anyone had ever had sunstroke, they know how awful it is. I spent my first morning of being a fully grown adult, with my head in the toilet for three hours, my body temperature so high I was violently shivering and shaking, unable to walk without feeling nauseas and so weak. I do not recommend.

Aside from that, I had a great 21st and it was certainly memorable! I’m going to see Les Miserables at the West End as a present from my parents. I am SO excited about that. I literally know every word to every song, the audience are going to hate me. I’ve also really wanted a pet. I love my animals, but being at university I’ve only got a hamster, Rafeeki. My mum is getting another kitten and I’ve been nagging and nagging about letting me get a cat. So my mum told me for my birthday she had got me something I’ve always really wanted. I was so excited. Is she finally going to say I can have a cat!?

No.

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Thinking she is HILARIOUS she got me a balloon cat saying, “now you have a cat that you can take for a walk and it’s free!” So witty.

As I’ve already mentioned, exams are over so naturally I’ve been celebrating. Typical student style: alcohol and food. I realised how much of a student I am the other day when I had to iron my dress with a hair dryer. It kinda worked. Kinda. Yes, I don’t own an iron. Yes, that is the first time I have “ironed” in a year. Probably the second time in total since I arrived at university three years ago. Probably the same dress too.

I’ve also realised that my mind gets very strange when under the influence of alcohol. Recently, after nights out, I have found myself researching very strange things on the web. Such as, the Illuminati. And the other night I was watching motivational videos about “what would you do if money were not an issue.” I don’t really know what gets into me when I’ve had a cheeky vodka.

But now, I am going to bed. I had to slave away last night behind the bar at our university summer ball. Didn’t get to bed until 7am. Goddamn work. How am I gonna deal next year when I’m a graduate?

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And I’m back! Hopefully.

Wow, it’s been a very, very, long time since I’ve blogged. And finally, a new post! Hopefully I won’t fail at life and stop writing again. Now to try and get some followers back!

So in the past year or so since I have wrote, I’ve been on a pilgrimage in Spain, finished my first year (again) of my new course and almost completed my second year, been to Budapest, got mugged and had to use some mad martial arts (but that’s a whole blog post on its own!) and have started the “100 Happy Days” thing. This is going to be quite a long post I’m afraid as I’m going to (hopefully) get up to date with my Happy Days.

Day one, 27th February:

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Got started on my “100 Happy Days” very nicely! Me and the girls have started a “Come Dine with Me”- esque thing where one of us cooks and the other two supply the wine. Very nice evening with very good food!

28th February:

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This is me dressed as Elmo. This is literally the BEST thing I have ever brought! I’m fundraising for Kilimanjaro (I have to go this August now) and spent the night at the Student Union raising money for Meningitis Research Foundation, very, very drunk. Imagine this twerking. That was me. But raised over £100!

March 1st:

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Very nice evening after another day of fundraising, hungover, dressed as Elmo. Spent it with the girls, listening to live music, drinking cocktails, overlooking the harbour.

2nd March:

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I got a free t-shirt as training. Simple pleasures 🙂

3rd March:

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Bastille at the Pavilions. INCREDIBLE. Dan, marry me!!! Such a good night watching an awesome band.

4th March:

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Most surreal night ever! Ended up on stage with Miranda Hart ❤ in front of 4000 people, then went backstage on a “date” with some guy, got photos taken with her, my “Where’s Wally” hat signed and some wine, then back on stage after the interval. Massive love for Miranda, still cannot believe what happened!

5th March:

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Don’t worry, almost there! Got my second tattoo and the start of the beautiful weather began so took advantage with an icecream and a stroll along the coast.

6th March:

Just a girly night in with lots of food, wine and Pitch Perfect!

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7th March:

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The lush weather continues, chilling on the roof terrace and my little chum and ex-housemate Paul(ine) came down to stay.

8th March:

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Fight Night! Went off to Bolton with Saints to watch the Super Showdown, 7 hours of professional Muay Thai fights, close enough to see the blood, sweat and brutal knockouts, my idea of fun! Complete with a night spent at a grubby Manchester hostel 🙂

9th March:
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My old housemate in my first year of university who left at the start of second year came down to visit for Sunday Funday! Didn’t think I would be back from Manchester to see her, but made it and had an awesome night out, like old times!

10th March:

Beeeeeautiful weather, which meant one thing… screw revision, lets go to the sea with an icecream!

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And finally…. today, 11th March

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FOOOOOOD!!!!

It sounds pretty lame, but I would definitely recommend the “100 Happy Days” as I’ve found myself going out of my way to do something that I enjoy, even if it’s something small 🙂

New Years Resolutions… Hmm…

Right, my New Years Resolution is to get fit and healthy (I’ve been watching too much Olympics- I want one of them medals). Okay, it’s a little lot past New Year but you know what they say… better late than never!

So, here are my aims for the rest of the year:

1) Drive more. I know people always go on about how good walking is for you, but people forget about how good driving is for you too! Not only do you get everywhere quicker but you also have to use your feet a lot. That means you will have really strong feet, which is always great and incredibly useful.

2) Have a baby. Well, I don’t want one. I have a little brother, so I’ll just use him instead. But for everyone else without a little sibling or a child ready to hand, go have a kid, guaranteed weight loss or your money back. Especially if you feed them a lot and make ’em chubs. Swear down picking my little brother up is better than weight lifting.

3) Go out partying more. Not only are you dancing- very, very good exercise, especially if you move your whole body (which I do, despite the funny looks)- but, if you walk home, you also walk twice the distance because you walk diagonally and end up criss-crossing across the street. Isn’t alcohol great!? (let’s just conveniently forget about the whole liver damage fairytale)

4) Be hungover more. You’ll feel too sick to eat so you’ll lose weight. And hopefully have had a really good night out before. Win win!

5) Go shopping more. Who needs to spend money going to the gym when you can spend it going on a shopping trip and get just as fit with the added bonus of a new wardrobe? Make sure you buy loads though, because carrying all those bags around is excellent for those arms. And walking from shop to shop will also increase that stamina- after a few shopping trips, you’ll definitely find it gets easier! And if you don’t have the money to go shopping, that’s fine. I’m not saying steal money from your parents but… steal money from your parents. I’m sure they’d rather you spend their money than get so fat you can’t leave your bed and die. That’s what you should say if you get caught.

Might quit uni and become a personal trainer.

Inflatable Schlongs, Chunder Charts and Willy Toss. The End of Freshers :(

And so ends my first year of university.

For 9 months I’ve been living without my parents, cleaning up my own mess (I think I hoovered my room twice), drinking far too much alcohol (according to the “Chunder Chart” I was only alcohol-related sick 6 times!) and attending far too few lectures (I lived 20 minutes away, I can’t be expected to get to 9 o’clock lectures!).

I’ve learnt to cook. Sort of. After one term of living off of ready meals, it got too expensive to carry on and I was forced to cook my own dinner. And now I can cook a grand total of 3 meals- spaghetti bolognese, curry and fajitas!

Me and my house mates have done some strange things. A teacher at school told me that I would be too weird to make friends when I went to uni but luckily they were as normal as me. We decided we missed having animals around so we created our own “Flat 305 Petting Zoo.” We spent many hours drawing and sticking animals- including a goat, a snail, a rubber duck dressed as a policeman, a cat, a goldfish and a sea-monkey- to our kitchen wall. We created a quotes board for all the funny (and usually drunken) things we said. My favourite having to be:

“Why would you want an inflatable pecker? A peckers small. Surely you’d want an inflatable schlong!?”

At Christmas we made our own Santa’s grotto; one night we got the hairbrushes out and belted out ballads, serenading smokers in the courtyard; we played games of “willy toss” which involved trying to throw plastic hoops onto a plastic willy. Very difficult. And when one of my house mates went home for the weekend, we wrapped everything in her room in newspaper- including her floor, her toilet and every individual pencil. If any of you have a house mate- please try this. Yes, I like to think uni helped me grow up.

Reminiscing with my flatmates, it’s really weird that we have been living together for 9 months. I can still remember my first day, waking up in the morning terrified because I heard movement in the kitchen which meant I had to man up and go and introduce myself. Luckily she was really nice and chatty and took me on a tour and then for my first night out as a student! I was a little more wary about meeting my other house mate as the first time she spoke to me on Facebook was when I was unfortunately and horrifically fraped by my ‘friend’. The conversation went something like this:

Sofie: hey! we have a complete flat now 

“Me”: Hey, yayy r they girls?

Sofie: yes, all girls lol

“Me”: do u lyk girls??

Sofie: er yeah as friends :L

“Me”: ohh yeah me 2… but not anymore?

Sofie: no lol

“Me”: haha. wanna have sex? just real quick?

Sofie: er no?

Great first impression o.O

Living with the same people, people that have been forced together basically by the choice to go to uni, isn’t always easy. My neighbour who practically lives around our flat doesn’t speak to any of his flatmates. I was lucky in that all of my flatmates were friendly and funny and I got on with them all. But that doesn’t mean that it was all peachy. We had our fair share of drama in flat 305! Spending all of our time under each others feet wasn’t always easy and there was the occasional tension and arguing, usually over washing up, boys or when is the exceptional time to be noisy in the morning. Spending so much time together we saw all the good, the bad and the ugly things about each other. And unfortunately, for one of my house mates, she heard all that too, when one of the girls had such crazy, loud sex next door she was kept up all night with her wall shaking and books falling off of her bookshelf!

It’s going to be really weird not living with some of the people next year, or not living so close you can walk down the corridor to see them. I will definitely miss Flat 305 and couldn’t have asked for a better first year.

🙂

11 Different Types of Drunk

I had a sober night out on Friday :O An unusual experience for me I know, but I found from watching people, that there are a number of different types of “drunk…”

The Drunken Mess:

This drunk will be vomiting up their dinner in the toilet (if they’re lucky), all over the dance floor or down someone’s back. You might also find this one passed out in the corner, or maybe not even find them until the next day as they’ve passed out in a gutter somewhere. It’s these drunken messes that are the perfect targets for “Sharpie” fun.

The “I Think I’m Sexy” Drunk:

These girls will be found hanging off a pole, dancing on the bar or grinding with a group of lads. It doesn’t matter if make-up is running down their face, it doesn’t matter if their top is too tight and everything is just hanging out, it doesn’t matter if they have a moustache and sweat-patches the size of Africa- they will still think they are hot.

The Laughing Hysterically Drunk:

All you will have to do is say hello to this drunk to start them off. And once they start, they will not stop. Everything is funny to this drunk.

The Crying Hysterically Drunk:

99% of the time, this is a girl. Usually over a boy, common quotes when they are crying tend to be:

“Why doesn’t he like me?!”

“Why is he dancing with her?!”

“I hate him!”

“I hate my life!”

The Angry Drunk

The drunk that starts a fight with everyone and everything. They get budged a little bit on the dancefloor:

“Why the fuck are you starting on me!? You want some of this, huh!? Come on then, dick!”

These drunks usually end up kicked out from somewhere or arrested or being beaten up themselves for being a tosser.

The “I’m Not Drunk!” Drunk:

Says it all really.

The Disappearing Drunk:

You arrive at the bar or club, next thing you know, they’ve run off with other people they know, with a guy or girl they just met, or just generally wandered off on their own. You probably won’t see this drunk again until the morning.

The Forgetful Drunk:

“Yeah, you’ve told me that ten times already”

“Oh, really? Well, did I mention this one time…”

o.O

The Naked Guy:

There is always some guy who ends up naked in public somewhere. Not sure why, the male mind is a mystery to me.

The Clingy Girl Drunk:

She will be stuck to one guy and will not let them go. She’ll get jealous if he dances with someone else and will go off with a strop before finding a way to cling back onto him. She’ll probably declare her love for him as well.

The Slutty Drunk:

This is one for both the guys and girls. These drunks will have their tongue shoved down various people’s throats all night and every night.

Something a little less serious- Lets talk about me!

I’m pretty new to this blogging thing. Or more like, I’m new to starting a blog and actually carrying it on for longer than one, incredibly poor, I’m embarrassed to have studied English, post. But, so far I’ve only written serious stuff so now I’m going to try a new angle.

I’m an 18 year old girl, an undergraduate, who loves chocolate and nice knickers. I’m quite possibly the biggest Harry Potter geek ever. As a kid I used to dress up with my brother in our dressing gowns- I was always Ron or Hagrid for some reason… I know all the words to the Hogwarts school song, joined Harry Potter club as a kid, played Quidditch and was unbelievably gutted when I turned 11 and I never got my acceptance letter 😦

I have three brothers. I feel incredibly sorry for my mum being the only woman in the house since I’ve moved out. At least she has the dog for decent conversation. One of my brothers is 16 (he’s a grumpy little shit) and the other two are 3 and 11 months. Imagine the shock I had when I found out my mum was pregnant after 13 years of no babies and no inclination towards having any more! And my parents are not very good at breaking news. I was sat in the kitchen, happily eating my dinner when my mum put a positive pregnancy test next to me. I’m still not sure what came over me, but I just started shouting,

“It’s not mine! I promise you! I’m not pregnant!!! I’ll do another test if you want! It’s not mine! I don’t know where you found it, but it’s not mine!”

I think my mum was a bit suspicious after that.

Apart from my Harry Potter obsession, I’m a typical student. I go out too much and I drink too much and I sleep too much and I work…. well…. occasionally.

As you may have already read, I do suffer from OCD, which is perhaps one of the reasons why I chose to study Psychology at university. And no, I cannot read your mind and yes, Psychology is a proper science! (kind of).

As a kid, I always wanted to work with animals, which is weird because now I’m probably going to end up working with people. In year 2, when we were asked what we wanted to be when we were older most people said, “a footballer,” “a princess,” “a fireman!” And I was the weird kid who turned around and said, “an RSPCA inspector.” Yeah, I don’t know where I got that from.

I’ve been incredibly lucky to have gone to a really good school that gave me loads of amazing opportunities. Through my secondary school career I’ve hiked to the top of the Atlas Mountains (the highest mountains in North Africa), I’ve haggled in the markets of Marrakech (I got a wooden giraffe down from 250 dirhams to 50!). I’ve been to Costa Rica and had a red-eyed tree frog jump on my face. I’ve watched as over 90 baby leatherback turtles were hatched and watched as they pulled themselves across the beach and into the water. I’ve partied in a Costa Rican bar, drinking Corona with the locals and dancing to the live reggae music. I’ve been body surfing in the Caribbean sea and nearly drowning in a waterhole. Oh, and I can’t forget (unfortunately), being soaked through my waterproofs in Wales.

I love writing. I promised my granddad every time I saw him when I was younger that I would write him a book. I would always start but I never finished. And although I’ll probably never see him again, and he probably won’t read this, or even know that I’ve written it, I hope that this will do fine. It might not be a book, but it’s my life, and my story.

Thanks for reading : )