Happy Jesus Zombie Day!

Well, I’m aware I’m a bit late on the Happy Easter thing. But I’ve been moving back to my university house and doing coursework (4am, drunk in the library) so I can be let off!

So over the Easter holidays, I’ve been back staying with my parents. I have little brothers and as everyone knows, kids come out with some of the best lines. A couple of days ago I got:

You’re very heavy aren’t you? Even Spiderman can’t lift you!

Well thank you, I’m aware I’ve gained a little chocolate weight -_-

Over Easter, I also received my souvenir photo from Miranda Hart! Still cannot believe I ended up on stage with her! Massive love ❤

I LOVE HER.

I LOVE HER.

I want her to be my BFF.

That boy in the picture with me who was my “date.” That is not wine in his wine glass. No sir, it is coke. Poor guy was only 16 aha. We had a list of questions about our most embarrassing moments. His was, “I got drunk and woke up in a bath. But please don’t say that on stage, my mum will kill me!” Bless.

I’m sure everyone’s also seen about Britain’s youngest parents! 12 years old!!! Can’t even be called a teenage mum! Children having children. How weird. I was thinking about this on one of my very boring shifts at work. When I was 12 the only thing I was looking after was sea monkeys. And I purposefully stopped feeding them because they got boring and just wouldn’t die.

And now I’m back at uni. Exams start next week, but I have managed to get me a job behind the bar and brought myself a celebratory hammock. Hurrah!

Spider-Maaaan Party!

So I did a “cute” thing. Feel free to cry, uncontrollably shriek, “naaaaaaaawwwwww” and ask Santa to have me as your very own big sister. The other weekend was my lickle brothers fourth birthday and I thought I would surprise him on his birthday as I hadn’t seen him in over a two months. Unfortunately, the weekend I went home was also the weekend of the floods and so the train tracks were down. Bloody English weather. But, me being the best big sister ever, took the alternative route home, braved the replacement coaches, spent many hours waiting at unknown stations, all on my lonesome in the icy cold, nearly freezing to death, carrying my heavy load with a broken toe (unfortunate kickboxing injury involving a violent game of bulldog, a mat and a snapped pinky toe.. sad times, but that’s another story), no food, practically dead from starvation…

Ok, so I may have exaggerated a little, but what is normally a three hour journey home, did still take me seven hours instead. Big sister points right there!

Anyway, so I finally made it home at about eleven o’clock the night before his birthday. The next morning, at about half past 6(!) I heard a very excited Samuel coming down the stairs, shouting that it was his birthday and going into the living room to open his presents. My present was the first- a Spider-man costume! I could hear screams of excitement and cries of, “SPIDER-MAN!!!!!” when my mum asked him to go and let the cat out of my room. Not knowing I was in there, he opened the door and came in.

“Happy birthday, Samuel!”

***Generic happy squeals of “CHANG-UT” (he still has difficulty saying my name) and “BEST FRIEND” accompanied with lots of jumping up and down, on the bed and on me and our ‘best friend handshake’.***

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It was pretty expensive (and I’m a poor, poor student 😦 ), but definitely worth it. Plus, I got to eat loads of cake and rubbish at his Spider-man themed party 😛

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Kids say the funniest things

Don’t kids say the best things sometimes? Being kids, they get away with saying things adults can’t; they say things without thinking about how they can come across. Sometimes they can be evil. I feel bad now, thinking about the times when I was a shitty little kid and I would shout “I hate you” when I didn’t get my own way. Sometimes they can be sweet. Like my little brother who is always telling me that I’m his best friend (we even have a best friend handshake. And what?) or when I come home after work or from being out with my friends and he says that he really missed me. He can make me feel really guilty though. When I told him I was going back to my other house (uni) he went dead silent and wouldn’t speak to me for about five minutes. Until he piped up with, “I’ll really miss you.” D: Whyyyy?

Other times, they can be downright hilarious. Like me. I was a hilarious and modest child. I remember when I was younger and me and my family were driving behind this really, really slow old woman. In my naive way I shouted, “Oooh she’s such a kerb crawler!” Just, you know, innocently thinking that meant she was a really slow driver and was, well, practically crawling along the kerb. It was actually only in the last few years that I finally understood why my parents laughed at my joke so much. And why they told all their friends. I had, inadvertently, suggested that the poor, frail, old lady was trying to pick up a prostitute.

My little brother very recently said something very funny as well. My other brother, Ryan, the oldest of the three, is sixteen and, as most boys of that age, not very blessed in the acne department. Both my youngest brothers also have chickenpox. So Samuel, being three years old and bloody hilarious said to him,

“Ryan, do you have chickenpox?”

“Urgh? (It’s the generic grunt that teenage boys put before every sentence- or use instead of) No, I don’t.”

“What are all them spots on your face then?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I think I nearly died. And so did my mum. Ryan didn’t find it quite as funny, he slammed up to his room in a sulk with another grunt and a “shut up.”

Another kid today at work amused me. She had to be about seven years old and her mum was buying “5o Shades of Grey.”

“Can I read it?”

“Erm, no darling, it’s a grown up’s book”

“Is it that book they were talking about on the radio?”

“Yes.”

“Dirty mummy! You dirty woman!”

50 shades of grey? Doesn’t turn me on :S

Today, I can’t be bothered to write much.

I don’t really have much to blog about today so instead, I thought I’d upload some photo’s 🙂

If you’ve been following my blog, you’d know that I have a dog. A very stupid, but very sweet Golden Retriever called Harry. And I sometimes like to wrap him up in a duvet. Just, you know, for the jokes.

But doing things like this makes him go a little weird. Actually, he just does this anyway…

It’s so irritating when he decides to roll around like this when you take him out on the lead -_-

I’ve also got four cats, one of which is still a kitten really, who has currently been banished to my room for being annoying. She keeps doing this…

Poor kid’s just trying to sleep!

So now I have her yowling at me as I type :/

And I also have three younger brothers (kill me now). Sometimes they can be sweet…

CUDDLES!!!

Samuel is the one on the left, he’s three years old and William is the one on the right, aged one.

A lot of the time messy…

Don’t ever feed kids chocolate cake…

We play in the park…

William playing on the swings 🙂

Samuel pulling off the pink 😛

And pose for pictures 😛

Sometimes regularly they get grumpy…

Attitude problem already!

We read stories…

Avid reading… not at all posing 😉

But, the best time of the day is BEDTIME!

Urm… cute?

Hide and Seek

Why is it cats always decide to get themselves into the strangest places?

Like boxes that are clearly too small for them…

Elliot chilling in a very narrow box…

Not sure how she didn’t get stuck…

They sneak into cupboards, washing machines, under the patio in the garden (still boggles my mind) and the scariest… when your lying in bed and they burrow up from the bottom of the duvet and stick their head up next to yours on the pillow. Shits me up.

That was meant for storage, Tilly, not for cats…

Having fun lying underneath my pants, Frazzy?

My cat attacks vets and runs into doors…

I have about fifty-bazillion and four cats. And today, one of them provided me with great entertainment when he ran into the glass door.

Cruel. But funny.

Like this.

Frazzle getting into the Christmas mood! He loves it really…

Now this cat has some serious issues. For starters, my mum named him after a bag of Frazzle crisps so really, he was doomed from day one. He’s also quite boss-eyed and so always has that “oh, I’ve just been hit in the face by a frying pan” look about him (I haven’t, by the way, I’m not quite that cruel). He’s also got this crazy, feral streak. When we got our cat Elliot he went off the rails and wouldn’t let anyone go near him. He attacked the vet, who then had to go and call for backup to try and get him back in his basket. It was pretty much a military operation, I thought they might get the drugged darts in. Now every time he goes back the vet is sure to wear gloves.

He smacked my dad around the face once too. That was pretty funny actually, and it was one hell of a jump! My dad ended up with a pretty deep cut on his nose and I ended up with sore stomach muscles from laughing so much. The vet even recommended getting a cat behaviour counsellor for him. He lost the plot a little bit I think.

Little bit evil. We always get the weird animals.

Man’s Best Friend

Naww Harry, my poor, stupid dog. He had to have two tumours taken off of his legs and because he keeps licking his stitches he has to wear a lovely pair of my dads socks.

Harry is a Golden Retriever, but the worst one you possibly could have. Personally, I don’t think he’s a real dog. For starters, he can’t swim. We took him to the lakes once and as soon as he got far enough into the water that his feet couldn’t touch the bottom he panicked and half drowning/ half swimming he struggled out and refused to go back in. He also can’t retrieve- you throw a ball and he either can’t see it and stands there, dumbly looking around, or he catches it and then runs off to hide under the trampoline where he knows you can’t get to him. His sense of smell is shocking. You play the game of ‘which hand is the treat in’ and nine times out of ten he will get it wrong. He is also bullied by our cat, who, for the record is tiny. She steals his dog food, literally pushes him out of the way, so she can eat it. She beats him up so he can’t walk past her and when you come down in the morning it will be her in his dog bed, taking up a tiny little space whilst he has been banished to the floor. She’s more of a dog than he is.

He is the cutest albeit stupidest dog though. He still thinks he is a puppy and will come and sit on your lap. When he was little this was fine. He could curl up on your lap and fall asleep. But now he’s five years old and fully grown, he can only fit half a butt cheek onto your lap- that doesn’t stop him though. He’s also the best company when you ever need to let off steam. On goes his lead and off we can go on a long, long walk, through the country, through the woods, down by the canal. And if you ever need some fun, make him stand on his back legs and dance!

Get better soon, Harry!