Happy Jesus Zombie Day!

Well, I’m aware I’m a bit late on the Happy Easter thing. But I’ve been moving back to my university house and doing coursework (4am, drunk in the library) so I can be let off!

So over the Easter holidays, I’ve been back staying with my parents. I have little brothers and as everyone knows, kids come out with some of the best lines. A couple of days ago I got:

You’re very heavy aren’t you? Even Spiderman can’t lift you!

Well thank you, I’m aware I’ve gained a little chocolate weight -_-

Over Easter, I also received my souvenir photo from Miranda Hart! Still cannot believe I ended up on stage with her! Massive love ❤

I LOVE HER.

I LOVE HER.

I want her to be my BFF.

That boy in the picture with me who was my “date.” That is not wine in his wine glass. No sir, it is coke. Poor guy was only 16 aha. We had a list of questions about our most embarrassing moments. His was, “I got drunk and woke up in a bath. But please don’t say that on stage, my mum will kill me!” Bless.

I’m sure everyone’s also seen about Britain’s youngest parents! 12 years old!!! Can’t even be called a teenage mum! Children having children. How weird. I was thinking about this on one of my very boring shifts at work. When I was 12 the only thing I was looking after was sea monkeys. And I purposefully stopped feeding them because they got boring and just wouldn’t die.

And now I’m back at uni. Exams start next week, but I have managed to get me a job behind the bar and brought myself a celebratory hammock. Hurrah!

Zoos, Coffee Shops, Prostitute Fights and Sex Shops.

So I’m back in England again. Hurrah. After a brilliant and, somewhat bizarre, ten days in the Netherlands! The first five days were spent on literally the easiest field trip I have ever had. We went to four zoos- Burger Zoo, Rotterdam, Apenheul Primate Park and Amsterdam Zoo- did a little research, but spent the rest of the time wandering around, enjoying (although in some cases, not so much) the animals. Some highlights of the trips were having a squirrel monkey jump on my arm, seeing a family of elephants and watching a manatee swim under us.

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And then, after a hard week of visiting zoos 😉 we went to Amsterdam!!!

Now, I have seen some creepy men in England. I’ve heard some interesting lines. I even wrote a post about it.

But wow. The Dutch are even weirder.

We left our hostel (one star, outside covered in graffiti, living the high life) and had literally walked a few houses when a strange builder man shouted at us:

“OOGADY BOOGADY BOOGADY”

Whilst making, what I suspect, were booby motions with his hands. Nice.

Another of my faves was this big, black guy walking towards us. He was huge. You’d expect a deep, manly voice. Nope. Instead we got.

“Hello babies!”

In a really high pitched, girly voice. Bit of a shock. It sounded like he was on helium.

Amsterdam was just so surreal. Sex shops and coffee shops everywhere. The red light district. I can officially say I have touched a prostitute from the red light district. A couple of them were having a row, and one of the women came out from behind her window in a ‘shit’s got real’ type of way, and bumped into me. We also saw some, clearly lady-boys, trying to cover up their blue light to pretend they were just women. Imagine the shock! Unfortunately also got to witness a very old man going into a very young girls window and a very young boy going into a very old woman’s room. Kind of need to scrub my eyes out after this holiday. The sex museum did also not help.

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Now I’m not condoning drugs in any way. I’m mostly anti-drugs. But Hell, when in Amsterdam 😉 Just some words of advice if you do decide to try it.

  1. Do not mix weed and alcohol. Especially space cakes. As my friend found out when she had no idea where she was or what she was doing.
  2. Space cakes are much stronger than a joint. So for your first go, don’t have a whole one. And don’t just eat loads because you feel it isn’t working. It can take about 2 hours to kick in. As I found out when everyone else had fallen asleep, just as the effects hit me!
  3. Weed in Amsterdam is much stronger! Wouldn’t push your luck!
  4. Finally, there are sooo many different types its unbelievable. If you get stuck, just ask the person who works there. Everyone speaks English! Heck, most people are English!

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Another pretty cool moment in Amsterdam was that we- without realising it- turned up right before a mass pillow fight outside the Palace, for International Pillow Fight Day. We didn’t have any pillows, but after about ten minutes of fighting, pillow cases scattered the floor. So we grabbed ourself some cases, re-stuffed it, and joined in on the fun! Smacking strangers round the head with pillows was surprisingly good fun!

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My highlight however, was Anne Franks house. We queued for about an hour and a half, but it was worth every moment. If you ever go to Amsterdam, it is a must see. Such a tragic inspiration, at such a young age, it was haunting to see the place in which 8 people hid, for two years. Surreal to see her actual diary, that actual bookshelf, the actual marks on the wall her mother made to record her growth. A truly moving and humbling experience, I would recommend to anyone.