The Good Customer Guide

Working on checkouts in a supermarket has made me hate people.

Hate people.

Not all of them. Just a lot. There are some funny moments. Like the kid who pulled out a tampon from her mum’s handbag, started waving it around and yelling “What’s this!?” I thought the woman was going to pass out from embarrassment. Or the other kid who kept asking her dad what the F word is.

But, in general, people piss me off. If you are shopping and get to a till and want to be liked, simply follow this good customer guide:

1. DON’T be a smartarse. If the cashier asks you whether you would like a bag, just say yes or no. Do not reply with some some sarcastic comment like, “Oh, well where else am I going to put my shopping? In my pockets?” My God, it’s our job to ask you. You’re supposed to reuse your own you moron.

2. If the cashier holds out their hand for your money DON’T put it on the cashier belt next to it. Why would you do that? It causes unnecessary struggling when you can’t pick the coins up. Why else would I be holding my hand out? For you to shake it? I don’t think so.

3. DON’T be rude. When the cashier says hello, bloody say hello back! Manners do not cost a thing. You might not particularly want to talk to the cashier but trust me, they sure as hell don’t want to talk to you either if you’re just going to be rude. You only have to talk to the cashier for five minutes out of your day, they have to talk to people for 8 hours of theirs. Have some courtesy.

4. DON’T get stroppy if you get an offer wrong, or picked up food without a barcode or forget to use your voucher. Your fault, not theirs, so quit yo whining.

5. DON’T bother getting the cashier to call their supervisor over if you get ID’d. They have to back up their staff so not only are you wasting their time, you’re also wasting your own and the queue of people behind you. So either have ID, or don’t bother trying it.

6. Not being racist, but seriously, when I’m on checkouts I get so many rude foreigners! You might not speak very good English, but I’m sure you can say, ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘hello.’ I wouldn’t go to your country and ignore you, flap my hands and click at you, so don’t do it to me. Language barrier is no excuse.

7. DON’T try and chat the cashier up. Another personal experience that has happened an unnerving number of times to me. No, they will not give out their number to you, you creepy 40-something year old man.

8. DON’T tell the cashier to ‘cheer up’ or ‘smile’ when they are simply sitting on their till with no customers. Would you sit on your own grinning to yourself? No. It’s weird. Stop trying to get them to do it then.

9. DON’T, when someone underage has to shout ‘alcohol,’ reply with ‘yes please!’ then laugh like it’s the most original joke ever. The cashier would have heard it about 20 times already that day. Guarantee.

10. The shop shuts at 4 yes? So get out at 4! DON’T carry on your shopping then slowly mosey on over to the checkout at twenty past. The cashiers want to go home! Go shopping earlier, or go somewhere that is still open, stop taking the piss!


Rant over.


5 thoughts on “The Good Customer Guide

  1. This makes me very glad I am yet to work in retail 😛 I have noticed all of these things though in shops, the one I find most baffling is when someone tries to chat up a person at the cashier. They are there doing their job, they are being nice to you because its their job, but somehow idiots get it in their head that the cashier is giving them special treatment and googoo eyes so they try and flirt with them! That would get so bloody annoying! Never fear, I hate people too, people suck 🙂

    • Haha, it’s so annoying! One guy was so persistent I eventually fake numbered him thinking he would never know, then I saw him out in town and he rang my phone and found out I’d given him the wrong number! Awkward times. People do suck 😛 This is why I’m no longer doing psychology and going to work with animals! So much better!

      • Hahaha that was my thought exactly 😛 I used to want to be a teacher . . . . . then I realised I hate kids and now am studying Animal Behaviour at Uni instead 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s