I do Martial Arts, have done since I was 7 years old. I’m a incredibly talented black belt in Taekwondo and a few years ago, a bronze British Champion by default in sparring. I’ve just started getting back into it after a years break after going to watch a friend of mine’s professional debut. It was pretty exciting times, watching half naked men batter and knock each other out. For someone so tiny and innocent looking, I have a worryingly bloodthirsty streak :/

I have been knocked out before. Not, as one might expect, from a truly exciting sparring match involving blood, guts and broken bones.

No. Not me. I did it to myself. I knocked myself out.

Now some of you might have read about a similar situation when I passed out in school in “Don’t ever remind me of my school-days.”

This, I don’t think, was quite as bad because it wasn’t as public. But it was bloody painful. I was at the pub with my brother (the two youngest ceased to exist at this point). I had to be about 15 years old, probably far too old to be doing an obstacle course on the adventure playground in the pub’s garden. However, last Christmas me and my friends (aged between 18 and 19 by the way) snuck into an outdoor adventure park to play “Manhunt” at night. And no, we didn’t even have the excuse of having alcohol in our systems. So nevertheless, the immature being that I am, I was playing in the park.

The aim of the game was to not touch the floor as you made your way from one side of the playground to the next. If you fell off, you had to run back to the beginning and start all over again. I’m sure you’ve all played similar games (don’t lie to yourselves, if it was socially acceptable and you wouldn’t get arrested for hanging around the park, you’d be there!). Now, I’m very competitive. I don’t like to lose. Especially against my brother who is two years younger than me! I would never live it down! But unfortunately, at the final hurdle, horror of horrors, I FELL OFF. Back to the start I had to go! I was sprinting away, as fast as I could, I couldn’t lose to a boy, when SMACK… next thing I know everything was black and I woke up about ten seconds later flat on my back in the wood chippings.

I had somehow run into a metal pole.

I had somehow knocked myself out cold.

Weirdly, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel the point of impact, I didn’t feel myself fall down. Not until I woke up. Then oh my dear Jesus my head hurt. I had a golf ball sized lump on my head already. I remember looking up and do you know what my parents were doing?


The bastards.


2 thoughts on “K.O!

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