Inflatable Schlongs, Chunder Charts and Willy Toss. The End of Freshers :(

And so ends my first year of university.

For 9 months I’ve been living without my parents, cleaning up my own mess (I think I hoovered my room twice), drinking far too much alcohol (according to the “Chunder Chart” I was only alcohol-related sick 6 times!) and attending far too few lectures (I lived 20 minutes away, I can’t be expected to get to 9 o’clock lectures!).

I’ve learnt to cook. Sort of. After one term of living off of ready meals, it got too expensive to carry on and I was forced to cook my own dinner. And now I can cook a grand total of 3 meals- spaghetti bolognese, curry and fajitas!

Me and my house mates have done some strange things. A teacher at school told me that I would be too weird to make friends when I went to uni but luckily they were as normal as me. We decided we missed having animals around so we created our own “Flat 305 Petting Zoo.” We spent many hours drawing and sticking animals- including a goat, a snail, a rubber duck dressed as a policeman, a cat, a goldfish and a sea-monkey- to our kitchen wall. We created a quotes board for all the funny (and usually drunken) things we said. My favourite having to be:

“Why would you want an inflatable pecker? A peckers small. Surely you’d want an inflatable schlong!?”

At Christmas we made our own Santa’s grotto; one night we got the hairbrushes out and belted out ballads, serenading smokers in the courtyard; we played games of “willy toss” which involved trying to throw plastic hoops onto a plastic willy. Very difficult. And when one of my house mates went home for the weekend, we wrapped everything in her room in newspaper- including her floor, her toilet and every individual pencil. If any of you have a house mate- please try this. Yes, I like to think uni helped me grow up.

Reminiscing with my flatmates, it’s really weird that we have been living together for 9 months. I can still remember my first day, waking up in the morning terrified because I heard movement in the kitchen which meant I had to man up and go and introduce myself. Luckily she was really nice and chatty and took me on a tour and then for my first night out as a student! I was a little more wary about meeting my other house mate as the first time she spoke to me on Facebook was when I was unfortunately and horrifically fraped by my ‘friend’. The conversation went something like this:

Sofie: hey! we have a complete flat now 

“Me”: Hey, yayy r they girls?

Sofie: yes, all girls lol

“Me”: do u lyk girls??

Sofie: er yeah as friends :L

“Me”: ohh yeah me 2… but not anymore?

Sofie: no lol

“Me”: haha. wanna have sex? just real quick?

Sofie: er no?

Great first impression o.O

Living with the same people, people that have been forced together basically by the choice to go to uni, isn’t always easy. My neighbour who practically lives around our flat doesn’t speak to any of his flatmates. I was lucky in that all of my flatmates were friendly and funny and I got on with them all. But that doesn’t mean that it was all peachy. We had our fair share of drama in flat 305! Spending all of our time under each others feet wasn’t always easy and there was the occasional tension and arguing, usually over washing up, boys or when is the exceptional time to be noisy in the morning. Spending so much time together we saw all the good, the bad and the ugly things about each other. And unfortunately, for one of my house mates, she heard all that too, when one of the girls had such crazy, loud sex next door she was kept up all night with her wall shaking and books falling off of her bookshelf!

It’s going to be really weird not living with some of the people next year, or not living so close you can walk down the corridor to see them. I will definitely miss Flat 305 and couldn’t have asked for a better first year.



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