11 Different Types of Drunk

I had a sober night out on Friday :O An unusual experience for me I know, but I found from watching people, that there are a number of different types of “drunk…”

The Drunken Mess:

This drunk will be vomiting up their dinner in the toilet (if they’re lucky), all over the dance floor or down someone’s back. You might also find this one passed out in the corner, or maybe not even find them until the next day as they’ve passed out in a gutter somewhere. It’s these drunken messes that are the perfect targets for “Sharpie” fun.

The “I Think I’m Sexy” Drunk:

These girls will be found hanging off a pole, dancing on the bar or grinding with a group of lads. It doesn’t matter if make-up is running down their face, it doesn’t matter if their top is too tight and everything is just hanging out, it doesn’t matter if they have a moustache and sweat-patches the size of Africa- they will still think they are hot.

The Laughing Hysterically Drunk:

All you will have to do is say hello to this drunk to start them off. And once they start, they will not stop. Everything is funny to this drunk.

The Crying Hysterically Drunk:

99% of the time, this is a girl. Usually over a boy, common quotes when they are crying tend to be:

“Why doesn’t he like me?!”

“Why is he dancing with her?!”

“I hate him!”

“I hate my life!”

The Angry Drunk

The drunk that starts a fight with everyone and everything. They get budged a little bit on the dancefloor:

“Why the fuck are you starting on me!? You want some of this, huh!? Come on then, dick!”

These drunks usually end up kicked out from somewhere or arrested or being beaten up themselves for being a tosser.

The “I’m Not Drunk!” Drunk:

Says it all really.

The Disappearing Drunk:

You arrive at the bar or club, next thing you know, they’ve run off with other people they know, with a guy or girl they just met, or just generally wandered off on their own. You probably won’t see this drunk again until the morning.

The Forgetful Drunk:

“Yeah, you’ve told me that ten times already”

“Oh, really? Well, did I mention this one time…”


The Naked Guy:

There is always some guy who ends up naked in public somewhere. Not sure why, the male mind is a mystery to me.

The Clingy Girl Drunk:

She will be stuck to one guy and will not let them go. She’ll get jealous if he dances with someone else and will go off with a strop before finding a way to cling back onto him. She’ll probably declare her love for him as well.

The Slutty Drunk:

This is one for both the guys and girls. These drunks will have their tongue shoved down various people’s throats all night and every night.


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