11 Different Types of Drunk

I had a sober night out on Friday :O An unusual experience for me I know, but I found from watching people, that there are a number of different types of “drunk…”

The Drunken Mess:

This drunk will be vomiting up their dinner in the toilet (if they’re lucky), all over the dance floor or down someone’s back. You might also find this one passed out in the corner, or maybe not even find them until the next day as they’ve passed out in a gutter somewhere. It’s these drunken messes that are the perfect targets for “Sharpie” fun.

The “I Think I’m Sexy” Drunk:

These girls will be found hanging off a pole, dancing on the bar or grinding with a group of lads. It doesn’t matter if make-up is running down their face, it doesn’t matter if their top is too tight and everything is just hanging out, it doesn’t matter if they have a moustache and sweat-patches the size of Africa- they will still think they are hot.

The Laughing Hysterically Drunk:

All you will have to do is say hello to this drunk to start them off. And once they start, they will not stop. Everything is funny to this drunk.

The Crying Hysterically Drunk:

99% of the time, this is a girl. Usually over a boy, common quotes when they are crying tend to be:

“Why doesn’t he like me?!”

“Why is he dancing with her?!”

“I hate him!”

“I hate my life!”

The Angry Drunk

The drunk that starts a fight with everyone and everything. They get budged a little bit on the dancefloor:

“Why the fuck are you starting on me!? You want some of this, huh!? Come on then, dick!”

These drunks usually end up kicked out from somewhere or arrested or being beaten up themselves for being a tosser.

The “I’m Not Drunk!” Drunk:

Says it all really.

The Disappearing Drunk:

You arrive at the bar or club, next thing you know, they’ve run off with other people they know, with a guy or girl they just met, or just generally wandered off on their own. You probably won’t see this drunk again until the morning.

The Forgetful Drunk:

“Yeah, you’ve told me that ten times already”

“Oh, really? Well, did I mention this one time…”

o.O

The Naked Guy:

There is always some guy who ends up naked in public somewhere. Not sure why, the male mind is a mystery to me.

The Clingy Girl Drunk:

She will be stuck to one guy and will not let them go. She’ll get jealous if he dances with someone else and will go off with a strop before finding a way to cling back onto him. She’ll probably declare her love for him as well.

The Slutty Drunk:

This is one for both the guys and girls. These drunks will have their tongue shoved down various people’s throats all night and every night.

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Don’t ever remind me of my school-days

I cringe at my younger self. Like, honestly cringe in shame and embarrassment when I remember how I used to act.

In year 7 I hysterically cried in class because I lost my locker key and couldn’t get my new coat out.

In year 8, a boy I fancied said, “I’ll see you later.” To which I shouted, “NO YOU WON’T.” Urm… :/

In year 9, I shouted out in my RE class, “WHAT’S A VIBRATOR” after overhearing someone behind me’s conversation.

In sixth form, to my teacher who I was a little bit in love with, as he was taking his blazer off saying, “oh, I’m hot,” I decided to yell out, “YOU BET YOU ARE.” The girls in the back of the classroom heard. And I was as close to the front as you could possibly get.

Perhaps most embarrassingly, I fell up the stairs on my way into class, hit my knee so hard I passed out and hit my head on a door, came round to a girl shouting, “I FORT SHE WOZ JOKIN” then threw up in a bin.

How is this even possible!?

To make things worse, I didn’t even break my kneecap like I thought I had, I merely ended up with a bruised knee, red face and limp for a few days. With people coming over to me asking “oooh are you OK, I heard you passed out!” Great.

Then my teacher drew a lovely picture of it on the whiteboard for everyone to see, that looked something like this…

Black Men Have Big…

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

What do other people see when they look at you?

Labels.

You go to school and automatically you are put into a clique. There’s the jocks, the preps, the nerds, the emos, the chavs, the popular kids, the loners. Things get slightly better in sixth form, people mix a little bit more, but there are still those labels.

When you see people in the street you automatically label people as they walk by- “she’s a slut,” “wow, he’s geeky,” “she’s a bit butch- clearly a lesbian.” What you don’t know is that girl you think is a slut, has actually never even kissed a boy. The geeky guy is the most popular kid in school. The ‘lesbian’ has been with her boyfriend for over a year.

We perceive people of a certain sex, religion and race in a particular way. Some people to a higher extent than others. White people can’t dance, women are only good for cooking and cleaning, black men have big… feet 😉 People with mental disorders are labelled all the time. He’s got schizophrenia? Dangerous! It’s the same with people with physical or genetic disorders. We’ve all heard the words used everyday. I use them myself, and I have one! Mental, lunatic, mad, psycho, freak, retard, spastic. It may be easier said than done, but we need to cut off these labels before we make a judgement.

Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people.

– Martina Navratilova

Bucket List

I’ve been feeling pretty unproductive recently. Time is quite literally, flying by and I don’t seem to be doing anything! My weekdays consist of: get out of bed at midday, maybe do a little bit of work, maybe venture outside to the shop, watch a copious amount of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Glee, then go to bed in the early hours of the morning. My weekends are even worse: Go out of an night then stay in bed or spread out on the sofa the whole day after with a hangover. Go to the shops in my pyjamas. Such a waste of a day.

My friend told me that he’s written a bucket list of 206 items and so far he’s done about 50. So I thought I might start one. So far I’ve got 70 items and counting. Here’s ten of the things I want to do before I die:

  1. Volunteer in Africa
  2. Travel to every continent
  3. Shower in a waterfall
  4. See the Northern Lights
  5. Swim with sharks
  6. Go Zorbing in New Zealand
  7. Learn to surf (I live in Plymouth for God’s Sake!)
  8. Get a meaningful tattoo
  9. Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef
  10. Keep this blog up for a whole year

These are a few of the things I have achieved so far:

  1. Ride a zipline through a rainforest
  2. Go skinny-dipping
  3. Get kicked out of somewhere
  4. Watch turtles hatch and run to the sea
  5. Become a black belt in a Martial Art
  6. Do a Tarzan swing
  7. Perform on stage
  8. Ride a mechanical bull
  9. Hike in a rainforest
  10. Climb a mountain

Life. None of us come out of it alive. Might as well do as much as you can.

“The little girl who didn’t want to get fat”

 “I thought this could be a chance to use my suffering to get a message across, and finally put an image on what thinness represents and the danger it leads to – which is death.”

Isabelle Caro was only 28 when she died.

The French model posed naked for controversial anti-anorexia posters in 2007 to try and raise awareness of the devastating effects anorexia can have. She wanted to spread the word to girls that it’s not how skinny someone is that determines how beautiful they are.

At one point Isabelle weighed a tiny 3 stone 13 lb.

With impressionable young girls being exposed to size zero models and stick thin celebrities all the time, with Western societies obsession with dieting and surgery to change ones appearance, its no wonder that girls (and guys) are not happy with the way they look. In one survey of female high school students it was found that a massive 85% of those who were a normal weight wanted to be thinner, and, even more worryingly, nearly half of the girls who were already underweight still wanted to be skinnier.

Perhaps most shockingly, the onset age for anorexia has decreased to children ages 9 to 12. That’s primary school age. Kids that age should be far to busy playing ‘tag’ or ‘forty forty in’ in the playground to be concerned about their weight and their looks.

Yet, despite these shocking statistics, several countries, including Italy, banned the poster because it “breached two of advertisings codes of conduct.” Apparently, it broke article one which states that, “advertising must be honest, truthful and accurate.” We see celebrities photoshopped and retouched all the time. Surely that’s not giving a “honest, accurate and truthful” portrayal of what they really look like. But when a woman shows anorexia in it’s full and shocking form then it’s banned? People need to be shocked because it is the only way they can understand the devastation such a disorder can cause.

The effects of anorexia needs to be publicised. Size 0 models need to be banned and all models should be a healthy weight for their height. This could save lives. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness with 18-20 % of anorexics dead after 20 years. Only 30- 40% will ever recover.

“If I can put my years of suffering to good use then it will not have been pointless…no young girl wants to look like a skeleton.”
RIP a truly brave young woman who died far to early at the hands of a destructive disease.

A Friday night as a student… Hitting up the library hard!

I’m a student. In particular, I’m a fresher. It’s a Friday night, what do you think I would be doing?!

Hm.

My expectations:

My reality:

Depressing.

To make things worse, I’m not even doing anything productive. To stop myself from working I’ve watched an episode of Glee, ate a ridiculous amount of sweets (NOTE: do not ever buy toffee covered in chocolate flavoured coating- it’s weird and disgusting), played Fat Boy Raids The Cookie Factory, watched more Glee, moaned about the weird chocolate flavour coated toffee, started writing this blog and… oh yes… watched more Glee.

So far, I’ve written about two lines. Proud. But now I’m tired and hungry (despite three packets of sweets and a bag of crisps) so I think I might treat myself to McDonald’s to congratulate myself for all my hard work.

The exciting life of a student.